Okay, I'll level with you, boys and girls. I'm afraid to leave the house. I fear for my life. I'm a prisoner in my own home. Winnipeg has been declared to be under a health emergency due to the number of mosquitos in the city. A health emergency? A health emergency! Due to mosquitos? I didn't even think that was possible in North America.
So Friday night citrusboy and I go to a party to booze it up and try to forget about our perilous state of health. And those crazy-ass Winnipegers (love you!) are all out enjoying the fresh air on the deck in the backyard, thumbing their noses at the danger that awaits them at every blink of an eye, every turn of the head.
I cry in silent pain. I was afraid of this. Now I'll have to drink all the alcohol I can get my hands on just to forget that I'll probably be dead tomorrow from some mosquito named Cujo.
The host hands me some repellent and a vodka cooler. I eyeball both, and decide a swig of vodka would definitely be more effective than the repellent. Maybe if I get all the mosquitos in the vicinity drunk they won't have the good sense God kinda gave them to bite me or anyone else.
So I drink, citrusboy drinks, everybody drinks, and you know what? It worked! The mosquitos became so deranged by the haphazardness of everybody's drunk-off-their-ass state that they stayed away. I got about two bites on my knee, through my light-coloured pants as recommended by Health Canada, but that didn't even count as I wasn't toasted in any effective way yet.
So a little tidbit from the Skeeter Queen herself: The best revenge you can take out on all the mosquitos making your life miserable is to get sauced. Hard work, ain't it?
So Friday night citrusboy and I go to a party to booze it up and try to forget about our perilous state of health. And those crazy-ass Winnipegers (love you!) are all out enjoying the fresh air on the deck in the backyard, thumbing their noses at the danger that awaits them at every blink of an eye, every turn of the head.
I cry in silent pain. I was afraid of this. Now I'll have to drink all the alcohol I can get my hands on just to forget that I'll probably be dead tomorrow from some mosquito named Cujo.
The host hands me some repellent and a vodka cooler. I eyeball both, and decide a swig of vodka would definitely be more effective than the repellent. Maybe if I get all the mosquitos in the vicinity drunk they won't have the good sense God kinda gave them to bite me or anyone else.
So I drink, citrusboy drinks, everybody drinks, and you know what? It worked! The mosquitos became so deranged by the haphazardness of everybody's drunk-off-their-ass state that they stayed away. I got about two bites on my knee, through my light-coloured pants as recommended by Health Canada, but that didn't even count as I wasn't toasted in any effective way yet.
So a little tidbit from the Skeeter Queen herself: The best revenge you can take out on all the mosquitos making your life miserable is to get sauced. Hard work, ain't it?
4 comments:
Gawd! Don't do it! DON'T DO IT! Well, let's qualify that: If you live in a nice big city now and you love it, for the love of god, don't do it. If you live in a hell-hole at the moment, it might improve, but chances are it won't. So don't do it! ;)
It's all in good blog fun...
Indeed it is, says my liver!
Well, see the problem with Winnipeg is there are seasons, but only two: winter and mosquito. We gotta schedule summer for one day at a percise time, and then that's it!
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