On Friday, July 1st, which just happens to be Canada Day, somebody (I'm not naming any names) in this house (and it wasn't Cow Kitty or Fatty) decided that it would be a good day to go to the Red River Exhibition (and it wasn't me). Along with everybody else in Winnipeg. Great minds think alike, right? Not quite.
So we gear up to take the Red River Express bus down to the exhibition grounds. Might I add that it's the only bus that goes there. It also only makes the trip once every 15 minutes. There's only one entrance onto the grounds for cars and buses. No entrance for people walking there. And it's Canada Day. This should have alerted us to a potential problem, but no, we're idiots of the finest kind.
See, in Toronto, when one goes to the Ex, there are a million different buses to take you there. There are a million different entrances to choose from. There are also a million different ways to walk there. Never in a million years did it occur to me that this would not be so in Winnipeg. I will never, ever, ever learn. Never. Ever.
So we park our butts downtown and wait for the Express. One comes by. It's full. It doesn't stop. The 16 (I counted) other people waiting at the stop with us get cranky. 15 minutes later another bus goes by. It's also full. It also doesn't stop. The now 21 other people waiting at the stop with us get crankier. I get smart, and citrusboy and I decide to catch the bus going in the opposite direction and just loop around, or else we'll be standing there for an eternity plus a day thanks but no thanks to the strategic planning of the Winnipeg Transit Commission.
So we loop around and come to the stop that we were originally waiting at. There are now 30 people there, all very, very cranky indeed. Of course, at this point, the bus is full. It doesn't stop. I'm waiting for the bus to be pelted with eggs but it doesn't happen. I guess they didn't think to bring eggs with them to the Ex. Funny, that.
So we're moving along and I'm thinking "Yay, we're almost there!" when along comes Murphy, hauling his stupid Law into the middle of the roadway. We had come to a complete standstill. What in the name of Winnipeg-Curse-Ye could possibly be wrong now? I get up and look out the front window of the bus and this is the view that greets me:
A never-ending line such that a 20 minute bus ride has now turned into a 3 hour ordeal. It's hot on the bus. There is no such thing as air conditioning on Winnipeg Transit. There is, however, a really insanely smelly guy standing over us. Everybody on the bus is freaking out. And the children. OH MY GOD THE CHILDREN. Will nobody think of the children? They are all screaming. And I don't mean wailing or whining. I mean flat-out screaming bloody murder so loud I think my hearing has been permanently affected for life. Thanks for that, Winnipeg. And the bus driver? Wouldn't let us off. She seriously would not let us off the bus even though at that point we could have walked there in about 20 minutes. After everybody freaked out on her ass, she finally let us off. We walked, only to encounter this sign at the entrance:
I didn't know irony could make my head hurt quite so much. Use transit, indeed.
We get to the admissions booths, finally, finally. Of course, huge line. As we're standing in it, the sun disappears. The clouds come out. Of course. They would.
We walk in and I get handed some beads a la Mardi Gras. I guess that's my consolation prize? Just for being stupid enough to show up on Canada Day?
Citrusboy and I wander around and end up in the pavilion where I score two items that truly make up for it, like Mardi Gras beads never could: A Grease clock and a neon Martini sign. So, so awesome!
We also stumbled upon the petting zoo and this sign, hanging above the sheep pen.
Ever wonder how that slice of lamb got onto your plate? Well, wonder (bread) no more.
Citrusboy and I decide we're hungry(!) and go forth in search of food. And then I see a beacon in the sky: it's like a bobbing buoy in a sea of madness. The Perogie Stand. And not just any Perogie Stand; a Perogie Stand called Get Stuffed. Hah!
I settle down to my 6 perogies for $6.50 (that's $1.08 a perogie, but it's best not to do the math or even think about doing the math), while citrusboy gets a bison burger. Yes, a bison burger. I have proof:
Now I know what people mean when they say something tastes "gamey". Not sure I liked it, but citrusboy did and he ended up getting another one before we left.
We played some games (re: wasted money), won some stuffed animals (re: space-taker-uppers), petted some Monsanto-sponsored cows and other animals (there go my ethics - ah well, they had to go sometime), watched a sheep-shearing, and had a pretty good time overall. We decided not to stay for the fireworks at 11PM, as the last bus would leave at 11:45 and that just spells another disaster waiting to happen.
Remind me not to go next year, when someone suggests that it might be a good/fun/happy thing to do on a lazy Friday or otherwise afternoon. Actually, I don't think I'm ever going to leave the house again.
So we gear up to take the Red River Express bus down to the exhibition grounds. Might I add that it's the only bus that goes there. It also only makes the trip once every 15 minutes. There's only one entrance onto the grounds for cars and buses. No entrance for people walking there. And it's Canada Day. This should have alerted us to a potential problem, but no, we're idiots of the finest kind.
See, in Toronto, when one goes to the Ex, there are a million different buses to take you there. There are a million different entrances to choose from. There are also a million different ways to walk there. Never in a million years did it occur to me that this would not be so in Winnipeg. I will never, ever, ever learn. Never. Ever.
So we park our butts downtown and wait for the Express. One comes by. It's full. It doesn't stop. The 16 (I counted) other people waiting at the stop with us get cranky. 15 minutes later another bus goes by. It's also full. It also doesn't stop. The now 21 other people waiting at the stop with us get crankier. I get smart, and citrusboy and I decide to catch the bus going in the opposite direction and just loop around, or else we'll be standing there for an eternity plus a day thanks but no thanks to the strategic planning of the Winnipeg Transit Commission.
So we loop around and come to the stop that we were originally waiting at. There are now 30 people there, all very, very cranky indeed. Of course, at this point, the bus is full. It doesn't stop. I'm waiting for the bus to be pelted with eggs but it doesn't happen. I guess they didn't think to bring eggs with them to the Ex. Funny, that.
So we're moving along and I'm thinking "Yay, we're almost there!" when along comes Murphy, hauling his stupid Law into the middle of the roadway. We had come to a complete standstill. What in the name of Winnipeg-Curse-Ye could possibly be wrong now? I get up and look out the front window of the bus and this is the view that greets me:
A never-ending line such that a 20 minute bus ride has now turned into a 3 hour ordeal. It's hot on the bus. There is no such thing as air conditioning on Winnipeg Transit. There is, however, a really insanely smelly guy standing over us. Everybody on the bus is freaking out. And the children. OH MY GOD THE CHILDREN. Will nobody think of the children? They are all screaming. And I don't mean wailing or whining. I mean flat-out screaming bloody murder so loud I think my hearing has been permanently affected for life. Thanks for that, Winnipeg. And the bus driver? Wouldn't let us off. She seriously would not let us off the bus even though at that point we could have walked there in about 20 minutes. After everybody freaked out on her ass, she finally let us off. We walked, only to encounter this sign at the entrance:
I didn't know irony could make my head hurt quite so much. Use transit, indeed.We get to the admissions booths, finally, finally. Of course, huge line. As we're standing in it, the sun disappears. The clouds come out. Of course. They would.
We walk in and I get handed some beads a la Mardi Gras. I guess that's my consolation prize? Just for being stupid enough to show up on Canada Day?
Citrusboy and I wander around and end up in the pavilion where I score two items that truly make up for it, like Mardi Gras beads never could: A Grease clock and a neon Martini sign. So, so awesome!
We also stumbled upon the petting zoo and this sign, hanging above the sheep pen.
Ever wonder how that slice of lamb got onto your plate? Well, wonder (bread) no more.Citrusboy and I decide we're hungry(!) and go forth in search of food. And then I see a beacon in the sky: it's like a bobbing buoy in a sea of madness. The Perogie Stand. And not just any Perogie Stand; a Perogie Stand called Get Stuffed. Hah!
I settle down to my 6 perogies for $6.50 (that's $1.08 a perogie, but it's best not to do the math or even think about doing the math), while citrusboy gets a bison burger. Yes, a bison burger. I have proof:
Now I know what people mean when they say something tastes "gamey". Not sure I liked it, but citrusboy did and he ended up getting another one before we left.
We played some games (re: wasted money), won some stuffed animals (re: space-taker-uppers), petted some Monsanto-sponsored cows and other animals (there go my ethics - ah well, they had to go sometime), watched a sheep-shearing, and had a pretty good time overall. We decided not to stay for the fireworks at 11PM, as the last bus would leave at 11:45 and that just spells another disaster waiting to happen.
Remind me not to go next year, when someone suggests that it might be a good/fun/happy thing to do on a lazy Friday or otherwise afternoon. Actually, I don't think I'm ever going to leave the house again.
1 comment:
It sounds like a fun day. I'd have thrown rotten tomatoes though, if I was one of the 30 cranky people.
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