Winnipeg's Skyline: God Help Me

Grammer Horror's: Top 5 Reasons to Bemoan the State of the City

Now that exams are over, I can concentrate on the really important stuff: punctuation that ticks me off (no pun intended). (Well, maybe just a little.) Now, just because you live in the middle of nowhere is no reason to forsake punctuation. What has it ever done to you? All those lost and lonely commas, wandering around without a place to call home. All those apostrophes forced into slave labour. Doesn't it make you feel bad, just a little bit?

1. People: there is a seriously huge difference between your and you're. Your implies belonging to, as in "Is that your fat cat?" You're is the short for you are, as in "You're a fat cat!" Can you see the damage that may ensue if you're not careful about your apostrophe placement?

2. Their. They're. There. Three separate words. Three separate meanings. One sound. Tweedledum and Tweedledee's fat cats are over there. Tweedledum and Tweedledee own some ginormous cats and their fat cats are over there. Their cats are over there, and yes, they're fat - stop feeding them so much, Tweedledum and Tweedledee! In case you need clarification: their signifies belonging to; they're is a contraction for they are; there is a little trickier, as in towards a place that's not here, but this should cover it.

3. It's and its: the bane of existence for many a teacher. It's stands for it is and does not signify belonging to. It's a fat cat - way to go Mr and Mrs Tweedle. Its signifies belonging to, no apostrophe after the t unfortunately. The cat is fat and its belly touches the ground when it walks. I know it's at odds with the all the "regular" grammar rules, but what can I say: learn it, love it, live it. And you will. One day. Very far away. Maybe.
4. 
   

Top 5 Rules for Summer Sandal Wear

The strangest thing happened in Winnipeg once it hit April. I saw the flip-flops come out, along with the capris, topped by a down winter vest. Are we really this desperate for summer to begin in Winnipeg that we have to put on the sandals and slosh through puddles with them on, but in a bid to try and avoid pneumonia we don a winter vest alongside the airy footwear?

So, in the spirit of crazy Winnipeg, I've come up with some guidelines for all the sandal wearers out there:

1. Ladies, gentleman, furry feline friends everywhere, please, please, please, don't leave the house without first looking at your feet. Please make sure your toes aren't gnarly, your toenails aren't seven feet long with jagged edges (don't want to poke out an eye now), and your feet don't stink. Thank you.
2. Please put nail polish on your nails (not just for the ladies anymore...). You wouldn't buy an unpainted ferrari, would you?
   
3. Men, and I've seen women do it too, so listen up both of you: please don't wear socks with your sandals. What is the point? If you must wear a sock, just do us all a favor and wear the full shoe.
4. Shave those little toe hairs. You know what I'm talking about. Nobody needs to see those.
5. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! Dry, scabby, flaky feet are gross. Trust me.
   

10 Things I Hate About You, Winnipeg

1. No Pottery Barn. I ask you, how can one exist in a city where you cannot buy such frou-frou crap like these clambake colanders.

2. No Ikea. Where am I supposed to buy a cheap-ass bed? Where? And do not give me that crap about JYSK being the same thing. It's not.

3. No 24 hour grocery store. Not one. What happens when, at 3 AM, I simultaneously run out of toilet paper, KD, and kitty litter? Who's going to take the responsibility for that little mishap, huh?

4. Speaking of KD, no Equality Macaroni and Cheese. Equality beats Kraft hands down, (well, not according to EYE, but whatever) yet it's nowhere to be found in this vast wasteland I now call home.

5. The restaurants. Open only from 5 PM to 10 PM. Oh the humanity! I implore you, O Great Government of Winnipeg, some of us like to eat lunch too.

6. Everything is closed on Sunday. Fine. But everything is also closed on Monday. What the hell? Is there some holiday I don't know about? Some ritualistic dance we are all supposed to be doing in the privacy of our own homes on Monday? Please, someone, anyone, enlighten me.

7. The Pierogi. For a place called the Pierogi Capital of the World, your pierogi sure suck ass. And I know my pierogi, let me tell you. I'm Polish. That's what we do. We eat pierogi. What we need here is a Pierogi Fest. Come on people, let's get organized!
   

8. Two Chapters bookstores. Two. I ask you, do we really need six of Mark's Work Wearhouse and six Wal-Marts while we only have two Chapters and nary an Indigo in sight?

9. No Williams-Sonoma. Into everybody's life a little cheese must fall.

10. No Petsmart. Do you know how much it costs to ship this to dreary Winnipeg? No, you say? Well, it ain't cheap. I think they asked for my first born, my soul, plus an arm and a leg, and to top it all off they charge extra to ship to Winnipeg in addition to the normal shipping and some extra “fees”. Just so I won't have to smell the stench of death every time one of my cats takes a shit. I might have to take out a mortgage.
    

The Malcontents:

Winnipeg Damsel: What the Duck!!??

Citrusboy: Glug, glug, glug

Carsin O'Genic: The Requisite Redhead

Cow Kitty and Fatty: Cats without Shame