iGross

Okay, so I'm standing in the very long, exceedingly painful, everybody-needs-their-crack-fix-all-at-the-same-time line at the Tim Hortons on campus, when I spot some nastiness across the way.

Some campus organization (I didn't bother to figure out which one, but maybe in retrospect I should have) had set up a table with baskets of bagels and timbits (linked for the I don't know what the effing hell you're talking about crowd). I watched as a woman licked her fingers, picked up two bagels, manhandled them for about 45 seconds, then PUT THEM BACK IN THE BASKET. Gross.

But that's not all. No, it's not. Then someone upset the bowl of timbits (I believe they were honey-glazed, but that's neither here nor there) and they went flying to the floor in a tan sea of miniature missiles. So, of course, one of the organizationees had the very bright idea of picking them up with her bare hands, putting them back in the bowl, and PUTTING THE BOWL BACK ON THE TABLE. Double gross. Triple gross. Gross ad nauseum to infinity and beyond.

At this point I had to turn away, afraid that my quickie breakfast of ham and rye would resurface and rejoin the world of the living.

Finally, I get to the front of the line and order my Mocha Cafe sans "topping". Now, this absence of "topping" is for several reasons:

1. It turns the coffee into the calorie allotment for my dinner and then some.

2. How can you trust something called "topping" and not, say, whipped cream. Or cream from a can. Or anything but "topping". Yew.

3. Fifty cents extra? Please.

So, just to reiterate, the ideal scenario here is a Mocha Cafe without "topping". Of course, the ideal scenario does not occur in the small, small world of Winnipeg Damsel. Winnipeg Damsel receives a Cafe Mocha avec "topping".

There goes my buck ten. And remind me to never take food from any campus organization promoting anything. I don't care if they're giving away free chocolate danishes. I'm not touching the shit.