The Great Exploding Chapstick Debacle - Part Deux

So New Homeowner was in town and she happened upon the most excellent idea (cannot believe I didn't think of it myself...) ever for the fixing of THE GREAT EXPLODING CHAPSTICK DEBACLE.

Shoppers Drug Mart would get theirs, dammit!

NH suggested that I buy another Bonne Bell chapstick (same as the exploded one), get a receipt for it, and then RETURN THE EXPLODED ONE on the new receipt.

Pure genius I tell you.

So NH and I go to the brand-spanking new Shoppers and buy one Raspberry Vita Gloss tube. Get a receipt for it. The plan is working, mwahahhaha.

Then we go to another Shoppers and mozy up to the cosmetics counter.

Me: Here, take your crap and there's my receipt.
CC: Okay no problem. Oh, you got this at the brand-spanking new Shoppers? Damn that store! We're always having to take their shitty returns!!

Me to myself: Uh, okay. I'm pretty sure I originally bought it here, but okay, whatever you say.

CC: Would you like another one?
Me: No thanks. Just give me my money back, please.

And that is how I got my $5 back for The Great Exploding Chapstick.

Genius, I tell you!

Oh bus, why do you forsake me?

Before I get into all the Christmas joy that has occurred, I'd like to tell you a little story about what happens when I ride the bus (without my sister).

So after my last exam I get to the stop where my bus, well, stops. The only bus that stops at that particular stop. The. Only. One. Got that?

As I'm on the phone with New Homeowner ('cause she's visiting - squee), I don't really bother looking at the bus number, and really? Why would I anyway? I usually don't.

So I climb aboard and have myself a seat. The bus leaves. And goes up and behind the university - in the exact opposite direction that I want to go. Before I realize this (because the new iMoo is so fascinating) I have gone far enough that I no longer have the slightest clue as to where I am and it's now too far to walk back.

I scramble off the bus and stand at some god forsaken bus stop in the middle of god knows where - and call New Homeowner: Heeeelp meeeeeeee! I don't know where I am. I'm at the corner of Lost in Winnipeg and You'll Never Find Your Way Back Mwhahaha. Heeeelp Meeeee!

After all, she is the one with the map. (See, me not so stupid after all... maybe.)

We decide that I should take the next bus back (that's in half an hour, folks) to the university and she'll pick me up there.

So I'm waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And, just to break up the monotony, a car packed with guys decides to try and get my attention. Lord. Dudes, I think I just might be old enough to be your mother. True, I 'd have to have been fairly young when knocked up, but dudes, get a grip.

Maybe I should have asked them for a ride? The good ideas always occur later. Sigh.

Finally get to the University (without incident, I feel compelled to add) and New Homeowner is there to pick me up.

And so ends another scintillating adventure in Crazy Town.

Next: The conclusion of The Great Exploding Chapstick Debacle as per popular request. Actually, one person only but who am I to argue with the fan(s).

Oy. Just oy.

Only in this city can I leave three hours early and STILL be half an hour late for my exam.

Oy.

Was it a Cello? Maybe a Violin? How about a Timpani?

Citrusboy teaches guitar at a music school here in this lovely city, so on Sunday we went to a Christmas Dinner hosted by the school.

Now, imagine an entire restaurant/comedy club that has been shut down just for you, filled with people saying things like: "You know, a drum room is just so different from a guitar room" and "Drums get really loud, don't they?" and "When you tune your guitar, how tight is your G-string?" Seriously. How. Tight. Is. Your. G-string. I'll just let that sink in for a couple of minutes.

Yes folks, that was my night. Even the comedian wanted to hang himself. Every time he swore, he got the 'ole stink eye and the audience let out a bunch of "ooooooooooooohs". Goddamn people, we're not in church! So, so weird.

This place (and by this place, I mean Winnipeg) just gets stranger by the minute.

Not to mention being stuck in a room with an abominable amount of G-strings.

Top 10 Christmas Traditions

Since we're on a Christmas roll around these here parts:

Top 10 Favourite Christmas Traditions or as many as you can think of”:

1. Christmas Eve Dinner. Yum.
2. Wrapping presents
3. Piling the presents under the tree
4. Decorating the tree and putting lights up everywhere. Lights. Fun.
5. Picking out presents
6. Polish Christmas Eve wafer. Love that wafer!
7. Marzipan. Love love LOVE marzipan. Marzipan and poo would probably taste good.
8. Opening presents
9. Spending a cozy day with family and friends
10. Peppermint Hot Chocolate

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm on my way to Polo Park, when I pass their billboard and do a double take. I can't be seeing what I'm really seeing, can I?

On the billboard it says: Lululemon now open.

What? What? Seriously? Squeeeeeee!!!

Winnipeg is certainly moving up in the world. Now just add a Pottery Barn and a Sephora and I'm good. And an IKEA, but then I'm definitely good.

So, of course, the first store I must must go into is Lululemon.

And I see it. My future is nigh. My dream gym bag, purse and school bag all rolled into one: Oh dear god, and it's pink too. I think I might cry.

Now, just to be a good girl, I will give it at least my customary 24 hour waiting period to make sure I have not gone temporarily insane at the simple thought that a Lululemon actually exists here before I buy. I might even wait until New Homeowner gets here and have her advise yay or nay on my sanity.

But dude, a Lululemon! *sigh*

Argh!

New Homeowner is coming for a visit.

Argh!

So excited. So, so excited!

ARGH!!!

That's all I can muster at the moment: AAAAAAAAARGH!!!!

Excuse me while I go sob in a corner with joy.

The Travails of the Godparent

Citrusboy and I are godparents to a cute almost-one year-old who lives in Ontario, while we live in you-know-where (hint: it starts with an H and ends with an LL). Baby Girl's birthday is mid-December and Christmas is late December, so we end up insane around, say, today.

We finally rounded up all the gifts we wanted to give her for both occasions and realized that we would have to send the humungo package today if it was going to make it in time for her birthday.

Little did I know:

1. Not enough Christmas wrapping paper in the house.
2. Can't find the gobs of packing tape that I know we have somewhere.
3. Only box I can find that's big enough almost doesn't close once we've stuffed it full of presents.

So...we now have to run to the mall, get the wrapping paper and packing tape, wrap the gifts up, stuff 'em in the box, tape up the box, and get to the post office - all before it closes in one hour.

So that's how I came to be wrapping presents at a coffee shop's table in the middle of the mall.

But, I am proud to say, I had enough time to buy an Italian Soda for citrusboy and a Peppermint Hot Chocolate for me when all was said and done.

Yay, pressure wrapping!

Christmas Top Five

As we're also planning on putting up the (miniscule) Christmas Tree tomorrow, I thought I would join in on New Homeowner's Top 5 List.

Top 5 Christmas Songs

5. So This is Christmas by John Lennon - Always makes a tear well up. Not a happy song, but what can I say?

4. Do They Know It's Christmas? by BandAid - The 80s original since I'm an old geezer.

3. Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano - I know, it's stupid so don't laugh, but I just love this song (except when Celine Dion is singing it).

2. All I Want for Christmas is You - The one off the Love Actually soundtrack by Olivia Olson works for me.

1. Last Christmas by Wham - LOVE IT!!!! I don't think it gets any better than this. Truly.

Hmm, really this is a list of pretty depressing songs. What does that mean?

Top 5 Christmas Movies

5. Sleepless In Seattle - I'm putting this one in 'cause it all starts on Christmas Eve - that counts, right?

4. Love Actually - So great. So sweet. So cozy.

3. A Charlie Brown Christmas - The original 1965 one, of course.

2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! - Definitely the 1966 cartoon version.

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - Love this movie even when it's not Christmas. It's just...the best. Must watch it every year.

The Great Exploding Chapstick Debacle

So I bought one of those liquidy Bonne Bell Vita Gloss chapstick thingies in sheer raspberry from Shoppers, because, one, a girl can never have enough lip gloss and, two, it had extra Shoppers Points.

I open the package and the damn thing explodes everywhere. E-X-P-L-O-D-E-S. Sheer raspberry gloss all over the counter and my hands. Sheer, sticky-won't-come-off-with-soap-only turpentine raspberry gloss all over my hands. And me? I have to catch the bus in, like, one minute.

I stomp over to Shoppers and say: What the fuck is this shit you're selling me? And the stupid, prissy, smart-ass Shoppers Cosmetics Counter whore with her nose in the air has the gall, the nerve, the asshatness to ask me if I have my receipt.

Yeah, bitch. I have my receipt. And you know where I'm putting it next?

No, you dumbass, I don't have my receipt. Why the hell would I keep a receipt for a $5 lip gloss that I was assuming, quite rightly in my opinion, wasn't going to explode in my face when I tried to take it out of the package.

The SPSSCC whore just stares at me. Sorry, can't do anything for you.

Look crazy, why would I lie about a receipt and a lip gloss. She's all: Nope. I'm all: That's it? She's all: Yeah. That's it.

So I guess now I have to write an email to Shoppers. Let's see if they don't give a rat's bony ass about their customers either.