Does anyone hear that? That ominous rumbling in the distance? Maybe it's the Jaws theme. Maybe it's the End of Days. Oh, nope. I was wrong. It's just my family coming to visit. My mother, a creature who lives in her own little world. My father, who will hate every minute here, yet has to come or my mother will skin him alive. And my Aunt, fresh from New Zealand and bat-shit crazy. They have decided to grace us with their presence in Winnipeg. On our First Year Anniversary. This ought to be a blast. No really.
So my mother calls and tells me they'll be staying here for five days. In a motel. Praise the Lord, you really do exist. Then she proceeds to tell me, nay, demands of me that I renew my driver's license, rent a car, and become their chauffeur for the duration of their stay. Gawd. I, very reasonably I might add, suggest that they could just take a taxi on all their fabulous Winnipeg adventures (of which there will be none because such a thing is impossible in Winnipeg). But, of course, that's not good enough for the Polish Princess. I say the taxi will be cheaper. She refuses to believe me. I say I've already done the calculations. She tells me she wants to do lots of things here and needs a car (by-the-by, my mother never had and never will have a license, but whatever). Where does this woman think she's going? New York? Los Angeles? The South of Spain? THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Unless you count the World's Largest Coke Can, and I don't.
Then I have to book their plane tickets online for them because they are that computer/internet savy. Since I have dial-up and no cable modem (yes, I am a dinosaur), I end up calling them back literally every five minutes. Ring. Is $99 one way good for you? Fine. Click. Ring. Does flying in at 7:30 work for you? Aha aha, that's good. Click. Ring. How about flying out at 6 AM? Am I crazy? I don't think so.... Click. Ring. What about 9:50. No, no, I think my senses are still here. Let me check. Yup, still here. Click. Ring. How's 12? Good good. Click. Ring. On and on it went until I remembered why I was in Winnipeg in the first place. Two thousand kilometers is a good two thousand kilometers.
BUT, I will forgive all if they pay for my ticket to New York to see my cousin, who'll be there for a couple of days. They're going to see her so I should too, right? It's a fair trade-off, don't you think? Maybe. Possibly not. Very possibly not. Oh gawd, what have I gotten myself into???
So my mother calls and tells me they'll be staying here for five days. In a motel. Praise the Lord, you really do exist. Then she proceeds to tell me, nay, demands of me that I renew my driver's license, rent a car, and become their chauffeur for the duration of their stay. Gawd. I, very reasonably I might add, suggest that they could just take a taxi on all their fabulous Winnipeg adventures (of which there will be none because such a thing is impossible in Winnipeg). But, of course, that's not good enough for the Polish Princess. I say the taxi will be cheaper. She refuses to believe me. I say I've already done the calculations. She tells me she wants to do lots of things here and needs a car (by-the-by, my mother never had and never will have a license, but whatever). Where does this woman think she's going? New York? Los Angeles? The South of Spain? THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE. Unless you count the World's Largest Coke Can, and I don't.
Then I have to book their plane tickets online for them because they are that computer/internet savy. Since I have dial-up and no cable modem (yes, I am a dinosaur), I end up calling them back literally every five minutes. Ring. Is $99 one way good for you? Fine. Click. Ring. Does flying in at 7:30 work for you? Aha aha, that's good. Click. Ring. How about flying out at 6 AM? Am I crazy? I don't think so.... Click. Ring. What about 9:50. No, no, I think my senses are still here. Let me check. Yup, still here. Click. Ring. How's 12? Good good. Click. Ring. On and on it went until I remembered why I was in Winnipeg in the first place. Two thousand kilometers is a good two thousand kilometers.
BUT, I will forgive all if they pay for my ticket to New York to see my cousin, who'll be there for a couple of days. They're going to see her so I should too, right? It's a fair trade-off, don't you think? Maybe. Possibly not. Very possibly not. Oh gawd, what have I gotten myself into???
3 comments:
I take it your parents don't read your blog. Hee!
Frankly, I'm suprised my parents learned how to turn on the computer.
Just let me tell you, I can TOTALLY understand!!! A few days ago I was talking with my mother on the phone and she asked how the rest of my month was shaping up before I fly home. I told her I was totally busy doing a million and one last minute things. So she says "Oh. Well Gordon and I are thinking of either going to the DR or to Mexico for a week. I guess if we come to the DR you won't be able to see us." I say no, and she says that it really isn't a big deal since I would be seeing her in 3-4 weeks anyways, and that maybe they will go to Mexico.
Well, today I get an e-mail that says they are coming to the DR this Friday, and that they would love to see me and George this weekend if our plans happen to include a 4 hour trip to Puerto Plata! AAUUUGGHH!!!!!! I don't even know where to start with this. First of all, NO my plans don't happen to include a little 4 hour trip to Puerto Plata. I am not on vacation here. I am working and I have things to do. Second, I can't just appear at the hotel and hang out there. The all-inclusives are strict about this and I would have to pay a ridiculous amount of money. Third, I am busy, as I already mentioned to my mom, although she has apparently completely ignored that fact!
You are right, no matter how far away you go, it isn't far enough. And now how can I live through the Ukranian guilt of not visiting my mother who is in the DR from Canada???
Sorry for the long comment, but my mom does read my blog, so I can't write about it there! Good luck with your parents' visit! I will try to survive mine!
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