So I'm at the gym the other day, working out on some of the Kaiser machines. I get off the biceps machine and start to move towards the triceps machine, when all of a sudden some horizontally-challenged "lady", who is lumbering her way off the thigh machine, is all "Excuse me, but I'm using that!"
Really? You are? You haven't even managed to make it off the first machine and now you're commandeering the next one? Seriously? What do you even say to people like that?
So I'm thinking: okay fine, maybe this is her last machine and she's in a hurry and needs to leave.
But no. Then she goes to wipe down her machine and steps in front of me (on purpose, I can only assume; no one can can truly be this annoying, can they?) and sloooooowly reaches for the bottle and towel. She stands there for a good 30 seconds (which may not seem long, but really is when you want to smack somebody across the head), completely blocking my path to any other machines.
After that, she climbs on the leg press, and starts a leisurely conversation with someone else about how, after Christmas, she likes to get out for some light exercise before spring. Lady, what you need is to stop chugging the doughnuts and start living at the gym. Light exercise. Good god, woman!
Finally I'm just so annoyed with this crazy woman, I have to leave. I go into the ladies' change room, and there are little boys running around all over it. And not little, little boys, but like 5 or 6 years old. Oy.
Now, I don't really care if these boys see my goodies, I guess. But I swear, if a mother ever comes up to me and says that I have to cover up because her son is in the room, I think my head may just explode. The gym has family change rooms. I've seen them.
Moral of the story: well, I never did get on that triceps machine because I was so busy seething at the "lady" that I completely forgot about it. So next time, I should just smack her and get it over with? Is that really the moral here? I'm good with that!
Really? You are? You haven't even managed to make it off the first machine and now you're commandeering the next one? Seriously? What do you even say to people like that?
So I'm thinking: okay fine, maybe this is her last machine and she's in a hurry and needs to leave.
But no. Then she goes to wipe down her machine and steps in front of me (on purpose, I can only assume; no one can can truly be this annoying, can they?) and sloooooowly reaches for the bottle and towel. She stands there for a good 30 seconds (which may not seem long, but really is when you want to smack somebody across the head), completely blocking my path to any other machines.
After that, she climbs on the leg press, and starts a leisurely conversation with someone else about how, after Christmas, she likes to get out for some light exercise before spring. Lady, what you need is to stop chugging the doughnuts and start living at the gym. Light exercise. Good god, woman!
Finally I'm just so annoyed with this crazy woman, I have to leave. I go into the ladies' change room, and there are little boys running around all over it. And not little, little boys, but like 5 or 6 years old. Oy.
Now, I don't really care if these boys see my goodies, I guess. But I swear, if a mother ever comes up to me and says that I have to cover up because her son is in the room, I think my head may just explode. The gym has family change rooms. I've seen them.
Moral of the story: well, I never did get on that triceps machine because I was so busy seething at the "lady" that I completely forgot about it. So next time, I should just smack her and get it over with? Is that really the moral here? I'm good with that!
6 comments:
Gym etiquette... so hard to know what to do. If the "lady" pulls that crap again, I suggest just using the machine anyway. I mean, unless she's REALLY big, it's not like she can use 2 at a time anyway.
As per above. Then, pretend that you no speak english! Then, turn your music up really loud (a given). Than, can you work out w/your eyes closed?
As for the little boys, well, depending, of course, but those boys might actually still be too young to know just how lucky they really are! :)
If she yells at her, start talking to her in Polish. With any luck, she won't understand you, and then you can bitch her out to your hearts content.
This is my "AstroSlam" for today, you guys are going to love it: "When you see an adorable little child your voice will raise an octave as you bend down to say 'Aren't you cute!' And just as the little person's fist is about to reach your face, you'll realize your error."
Argh. I feel your pain. Today I was at the gym and was on the ellipticals beside the basketball court. There are what, maybe 20 machines along the wall there? I kid you not, there were maybe TWO people in total using them. The particular one I was using had at least 5 empty ones on each side of my machine. That is when the 400 pound sweaty, hairy, stinky, hugely grotesque man got on a machine RIGHT BESIDE MINE. Uh..... care to use another one, say, about 30 feet to the left?? Would it seriously kill you? Thank god there was some good TV on that I could tune into before he, god forbid, started up a conversation with me.
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