According to Google Maps, this is the way to travel if you're in Winnipeg and you just happen to want to go to Krakow, Poland.

My personal favourite? Step #24. I'll be sure to get right on that...

Winnipeg, City of Public Defecation

See where I live, people?

And this is where, like, half of Winnipeg works too...

And why am I always staring at guys taking a shit in broad daylight?

Nails, Nails, Nails!

As I was getting this one done, we couldn't decide what it reminded us of - all of us were just sure it reminded us of something.

We finally decided these are the totally ultimate 80s toes:
And the not so 80s hands:

Wednesdays are kickboxing days.

This last particular Wednesday, right before kickboxing, I somehow managed to pull out the string/elastic thingy that holds one's pants up.

I spent the entire class trying to keep from exposing my ass to the rest of the participants as the instructor made us run around the gym, skip rope, and other things hazardous to my pants falling down.

I'm sure I looked like the complete fool that I felt...

A little Winnipeg bird emailed me some pictures of Friday's festivities. I hope you feel my pain.

Went to a party on Friday night. Drank two bottles of red wine. Woke up in pretty okay shape. Just a little stupid, that's all.

Turns out citrusboy was mixing beer with wine, so he woke up wrecked. Couldn't even move his head.

So he enlisted my help, along with Jen's, to go get him some Burger King to soothe the angry hangover beast.

Now, it's pretty warm in Winnipeg. Ten feet high snow caps are melting everywhere.

So Jen and I are sitting in the car, waiting to turn out of the Burger King parking lot and into the street. Her window is rolled down, oh, about one inch.

And apparently, unbeknown to us, there's a huge (I mean HUGE) puddle right next to our car.

Of course, cars are driving down the street, past us, and right into this huge puddle. Which then proceeds to throw up a wall of filthy, greasy, street water right through the one inch crack in the window and onto Jen and me. Twice.

So Jen's hair, Jen's face, Jen's glasses, Jen's jacket, and Jen's purse are plastered in nastiness. The ceiling of the car, the dash, and the seats are coated. My jacket and my pants are dirty. All we can do is stare at each other and laugh till it hurts. I mean, really? What else can you do? How does that happen? A one inch crack...

Somehow, the Burger King remained untouched. Not a single drop fell into the bag even though it was wide open. Luck of the drunk.

I woke up this morning to discover that my pee was red. A nice shade of blood red.

I panicked for a full ten minutes (and by panic, I mean run around in circles screaming in high pitch while my heart beats right out of my chest) before I realized I had eaten a whole whack of beets the night before.

I am such an idiot sometimes.

This again? Oh my gaw.

Give it up, stupid Winnipeg winter. It can't be -40°C forever!

Wait. What am I saying? It probably can. I heard it snowed in May once...

Excuse me, I have to go find some wood to knock on.

Okay. So now I can add to yesterday's post about tweedledum and tweedledee. Thank god. I mean, what would I do with my life otherwise, I ask you?

Apparently tweedledum does not know what "devoid" means either.

(And I would just like to add that I am not making fun of people whose first language is not English. These girls have been born and bred in Canada. In fact, they've probably lived here longer than I have.)

And if I remember correctly, she also asked me to define "void."

Tweedledee went on to correct my speech some more, and decided to change "the child and his or her parents" to "the child and their parents."

I can't take it anymore. I just can't. Especially after they made me come into school at 9 in the morning - that's SIX hours early - just so I could listen to more of their idiocy.

*sigh*