Someone obviously has too much time on her hands if she can lie about on guitars all the live-long day!

If A Plane Is Made Out Of Paper, Does It Still Fly?

I was cutting through the brand-new engineering building on campus, when I noticed a couple of guys on the fourth floor trying to "fly" paper airplanes down into the courtyard. Of course, they failed miserably; duds, all of them.

Then some guy down in the courtyard looks up at them and yells "Hey, I hope you're not in aerospace!". Heh.

Sometimes, you gotta love the engineers.

Ever Try To See a Doctor in Winnipeg AND Try to Hold Down a Job At The Same Time?

Citrusboy has a painfully sore throat. Citrusboy wants to see a doctor. Also, citrusboy doesn't want to miss too many hours of work, as less absence equals more bonus, thus he would prefer to go after work.

Citrusboy calls a doctor that he's seen before. Citrusboy asks what time they accept their last patient. The answer is: twelve thirty. In the afternoon. Twelve thirty in the afternoon.

Citrusboy calls around to more clinics and gets more or less the same answer. At this point, Winnipeg Damsel's jaw has hit the floor. Where are we? Nunavut?

So the only place left to go is the one and only After Hours Clinic in Winnipeg. And, by the way, after hours means until 10 pm. We've been there once and only once. I was obviously desperate or possibly delirious, as in its spare time it substitutes for a meth and hep C clinic. And no, I wasn't there for some wayward heroin addiction gone wrong.

I tell citrusboy that unless he feels like death is imminent, I wouldn't bother going. I mean, sitting squeezed between a crackhead and a hooker was a once in a lifetime experience, and I'd like to keep it that way.

Citrusboy decides to wait. Thank gawd.

Privacy, People, Privacy

So I'm at the gym, taking a shower. I usually hate showering at the gym because it tends towards the gungy and that's just gross. But I have made concessions for this gym as it is truly a joy to shower there.

So anyway, I'm showering. The curtain is closed. Closed. I'll say it again: CLOSED. And in walks the cleaning woman. What the fuck? He-llo, I am SHOWERING in here, you dumb-ass bitch!

She's all "sorry, sorry", but what the hell? I mean, really, would you wander into someone's shower if the curtain was closed. Get a clue, lady!

So now, I'm thinking I may never shower there again. You ruined it for me, you cow!

A Little Piece of Heaven

I did it. I finally got a Green Tea Lemonade from Starbucks. Finally. And it was good.

They made it with Melon Syrup instead of Classic Syrup, which I was told tasted better, so I went for it. Definitely yummy.

Next, Passion Tea Lemonade. If they don't run out of Passion. Or something.

Reading As Self-Defense

I like to read on the bus, mainly as it's the best way to ignore crazies. And when you spend two to three hours on the bus every day, you meet a lot of crazies.

So there I am engrossed in The Clear Path, which, I might add, is a guide to writing English essays (as its subtitle indicates), safe in the knowledge that no one will want to talk to me about this book. NO ONE. Of course I'm wrong as usual, since I catch some guy staring at the front cover like his eyeballs were glued to it. I ignore him.

Then, the chickie sitting next to me gets off the bus (bitch!) and the afore mentioned guy sits down next to me and starts asking me about the book. Dude! It's an essay help book! Nevertheless, he insists on asking me if I like it, if it's good, and if I'm good at English. Oh lord.

Then he meanders onto the topic of astrology. He actually asked me what my sign is. Get a grip, man! This isn't the 60s. Or the 70s. It's not even the 80s anymore. He says he used to be a Libra but now he's a Leo. Uh huh. Born again, I see.

Then he gets to the crux of the conversation. Do I exercise? Now, I admit, I've been asked the very original question of "Where do you work out?" before by some enterprising soul in the form of Mr. Gold's Gym Macho Man, but this is getting ridiculous. So I go on about yoga and how much pain my body is in and how I think I've broken every single breakable thing in my body. I talk so much, that when I stop for breath he high-tails it off the bus.

I out-crazied a crazy. Smirk.

Cow Kitty Pursuit?

This is where Cow Kitty spends most of his time. Yes, it is a shoebox. I don't know, so don't ask.
Yesterday, this is where Cow Kitty decided to spend his time - while we were playing Trivial Pursuit.
I don't know, I just don't know.

Don't EVER Try To Rent a Game In Winnipeg

Why do I always feel like I'm on another planet every time I go somewhere in this Pottery Barn forsaken place?

We went into Blockbuster last week to see if maybe they had the Mario Baseball game for Gamecube in stock. We didn't see any so we decided we'd do the normal thing and ask the pimply-faced, mouth full of metal kid at the front desk. The conversation went something like this:

Us: Do you have Mario Baseball?

Pimply-Faced, Mouth Full of Metal Kid At The Front Desk: Huh?

Us: Mario Baseball. Do you have it?

PFMFMKFD: *Gives blank stare*

Us: M-A-R-I-O B-A-S-E-B-A-L-L. For the Gamecube. You know, the new game that came out.

PFMFMKFD: Oh. No.

Us: No? Never? You're never, ever going to have it?

PFMFMKFD: No. *Long pause while he contemplates this in his little tiny head* You mean you wanna rent it?

Us: Um, yeah. That's why we're in a store that rents video games.

PFMFMKFD: Uh, you could buy it at Future Shop.

Us: Yes, yes we could. But we want to rent it. So you're never ever EVER going to get in Mario Baseball. Even though you have all the Mario Partys, Mario Golf, and Paper Mario.

PFMFMKFD: No. *Looks around surreptitiously* But you could try Rogers.

Us: Uh, okay. Thanks.

This insanely inane prattle resulted in us hoofing it to Wal-Mart. And buying the game just so we wouldn't have to partake in any more such witty repartee.

Starf*cks

Have you ever tried to get a Green Tea Lemonade? And every time you asked for one they had run out of some needed ingredient? No? Well, I have. It has now happened twice. If it happens one more time, I'm moving back to Toronto. Seriously.

This is what I get for going to a Starbucks in the middle of nowhere, like Winnipeg.

The first time, I was at Chapters and I was ready to forego my precious usual and was all geared up to order something new (based on New Homeowner's recommendation) when I noticed their honking-huge sign stating I could do no such thing. GREEN TEA LEMONADE SOLD OUT. How do you sell out of lemonade? I mean, did you run out of green? Maybe tea? Or was it the lemons that did you in?

So I pull myself together and order my favourite standby, a Caramel Macchiato. Ho hum, ho hum, I'm waiting. Finally, the woman hands me... an iced caramel macchiato. Not quite what I ordered and not quite what I like as the caramel tends to clump up into little frozen bits which is not at all pleasant.

So I'm all stammering, That's not what I wanted, when the cashier looks at it and says, That's not what she wanted. So they make me another one. And tell me I can have both. What in the hell am I going to do with two coffees?!? One iced and one not. Gawd. I walk around for a while with these two stupid coffees in my hands, debating with myself as to what I should do. I don't want to waste a coffee but I can't drink both. I end up trashing one. How sad.

The second time I tried to get a Lemonade, there was only one guy behind the counter. He was taking orders AND making all the drinks. On a Saturday morning. What the hell? Poor guy.

Anyway, he takes my order for the GT Lemonade and only charges me for a regular lemonade. Okay fine. I'm bitch enough not to mention it. Then he starts to make it and realizes, Oh shit man, we're out of lemonade. Out. Of. Lemonade. GAH!

Would I like anything else? Uh, okay, gimme the largest, most expensive thing you got. As I'm only paying $2.20 for it. So I got a venti Strawberries & Creme Frappuccino. Good, but I would still have preferred my lemonade.

So, you might think I'm making out like a bandit with these Starbucks cats, but really all I want is a Green Tea Lemonade. Just a lemonade. That's it. Why is that so hard?

"Happy" Anniversary!!!

So yesterday was our one year anniversary of living in Winnipeg.

I've been here for one year. Someone needs to have their head examined. And that would be me, for those of you who may be wondering.

Since citrusboy had the day off, we decided to "celebrate". We went to three movies. Yes, three. It was nuts, but we did it. We made New Homeowner's cheesy pasta and destroyed our calorie-counting in one fell swoop. But we did leave out the bacon so there's something. Maybe some semblance of self-control? But later we ordered Chinese food, so maybe not.

And we played Trivial Pursuit. And I FINALLY WON. Yes! I beat citrusboy, who always manages to win through sheer luck and the Sports category. So unfair. BUT I BEAT HIM YESTERDAY, so there. Just a little proud of myself. Just a little.

And, of course, being the Canadians we are, we watched the first season of Corner Gas. So durned funny.

I know it's all very exciting, so try not to be too jealous of me and my wild fun times in Winnipeg.

Gawd, I need a drink.

Drinky Drinky

In light of the bad night I had and the bad day I am currently having, the beacon is a liquor store opening up next to us. Yay booze! I shall never be sober again.

That's how much hooch I need to deal with this city. A whole store's worth.