10 Things I Hate About You, Winnipeg
No Pottery Barn. I ask you, how can one exist in a city where you cannot buy such frou-frou crap like these clambake colanders.
No Ikea. Where am I supposed to buy a cheap-ass bed? Where? And do not give me that crap about JYSK being the same thing. It's not.
No 24 hour grocery store. Not one. What happens when, at 3 AM, I simultaneously run out of toilet paper, KD, and kitty litter? Who's going to take the responsibility for that little mishap, huh?
Speaking of KD, no Equality Macaroni and Cheese. Equality beats Kraft hands down, (well, not according to EYE, but whatever) yet it's nowhere to be found in this vast wasteland I now call home.
The restaurants. Open only from 5 PM to 10 PM. Oh the humanity! I implore you, O Great Government of Winnipeg, some of us like to eat lunch too.
Everything is closed on Sunday. Fine. But everything is also closed on Monday. What the hell? Is there some holiday I don't know about? Some ritualistic dance we are all supposed to be doing in the privacy of our own homes on Monday? Please, someone, anyone, enlighten me.
The Pierogi. For a place called the Pierogi Capital of the World, your pierogi sure suck ass. And I know my pierogi, let me tell you. I'm Polish. That's what we do. We eat pierogi. What we need here is a Pierogi Fest. Come on people, let's get organized!
Two Chapters bookstores. Two. I ask you, do we really need six of Mark's Work Wearhouse and six Wal-Marts while we only have two Chapters and nary an Indigo in sight?
No Williams-Sonoma. Into everybody's life a little cheese must fall.
No Petsmart. Do you know how much it costs to ship this to dreary Winnipeg? No, you say? Well, it ain't cheap. I think they asked for my first born, my soul, plus an arm and a leg, and to top it all off they charge extra to ship to Winnipeg in addition to the normal shipping and some extra “fees”. Just so I won't have to smell the stench of death every time one of my cats takes a shit. I might have to take out a mortgage.
2 comments:
I think it just might kill me. Not enough concrete in the world, I say! ...just kidding...
Amen to #9!! But in my case, it is a LOT of cheese!
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